Mental health is a struggle for anyone who genuinely suffers from it. It is not just a battle but a war; the battles are the daily, hourly grind of the fight and that will to keep pushing on. It’s punishing and tiring—brutal at times and debilitating. I sometimes wonder, is it worth the fight? But of course it is. I am here.
I have mental health issues. To some they may be insignificant; to me they are the world and can consume me totally. Doors close, tides rise, and the world collapses in, drowning you in a chaos that many can’t even begin to understand or contemplate. It is a darkness blacker than the blackest black, filled with nightmares and hanging threads that have long since failed to hold your weight.
Reasoning with the shadows brings no hope; they don’t listen. They are only there to give shelter to the demons our minds throw at us. They are the soldiers of fear and wait for your lowest ebb to strike. Always waiting, always ready. They thrive on guilt and dine on despair.
The fight is ever on. That battle ever rages. The war, for many, is endless; for others…? For others, it can become a seemingly hopeless cause. No matter how hard or brave you are, there is no winning, no coming back. How sad that makes me feel.
There are, however, those who find that something—that extra bit of strength, that “je ne sais quoi.” It is that something that wins those battles, that pushes those demons back to the depths. It is that something that gives you courage and that determination not to be beaten. That something is actually you. It is you who achieves all this. It is you who is strong. Others may help, but it is you who ultimately has to fight on the frontline, and you who should be commended for your achievements and for that true grit in getting through just another hard day.
Here I am. I am still here; I am still fighting. I use every weapon at my disposal, every bit of help I can get, but it is me who does the fighting. It is me who faces that war, fights those demons, chases them down, and wins the day. I should be proud of that; I am proud of that. Tomorrow I will face my demons and battle with them once more. Bruised and battered I may be, but winning the war I am also.