I feel I have let myself down. It is a horrible feeling and, although I am sure this isn’t the first or last time, the fact I am consciously admitting to it somehow makes it worse.
I suffer from Type 2 diabetes. Managed properly and with the right help, it is not only something you can adjust to without too much fuss, but it can be reversed (I’m led to believe). I have had it some years now and have basically ignored any help or advice that has been given to me. Yes, I have changed a couple of things, but have generally either avoided the problem or just stuck my two fingers in the air to the whole thing. Big mistake!
Now, I am not in any immediate, life- or limb-threatening situation, but if I don’t get a pretty fast grip on myself I can expect significant problems in the not-too-distant future. I can’t say I haven’t been warned. Yet, here I am. Not only is it affecting my physical wellbeing, but my mental health as well, and that is not a good place to find myself in.
A week ago, I had an appointment with my doctor after having had some blood tests done. In an entirely professional and kind way, my doctor basically gave me a bollocking. It was more than a slap on the wrists and has become a real wake-up call. I don’t know why, this time, I am reacting as I am, but it has definitely rocked me into at least some positive action.
Keeping an eye on what I eat and drink, checking my blood sugar levels, and increasing my daily exercise—all things which are basic in the world of Type 2 diabetes—are now things I am taking more seriously, and not before time. I haven’t, I must admit, flung myself fully into the whole thing, as keeping records, testing my blood, and everything else has been a little overwhelming. However, I feel I have made a good start.
What has spurred me into action? I think a combination of many things. Some are what I might lose if I don’t do something now, and some are just the way I generally feel. Things I might lose? Top of mind are the scary thoughts that I might lose my eyesight. For me, that would be devastating, as one of the biggest helps in my battle with my mental health is my photography. It is probably the only thing I do where my mind truly relaxes and all exterior worries disappear. That potential loss is just beyond thinking about, but it is a real threat—maybe not now, but certainly in the nearness of time.
Of course, there are many other reasons that you could add to the list, some probably just as important, and each affecting the other in their own uncertain ways. I have to deal with them all, as others like me do, but now it has become all too real for me. I have no doubt I will find it a struggle—I am—but the benefits far outweigh the outcome if I just sit on my arse and do nothing.
So, we move on. A step or two in the right direction. I curse at myself for not addressing this properly and sooner than I am doing. What an idiot, but I hold my hand up and promise myself to make more of an effort.